Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Randomize
