Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
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