I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
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