She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
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