nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
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He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
tell me about the eggs
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
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