I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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