Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
