i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
