is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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