blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
Just woke up next to a hungry lesbian and a half eaten croissant on my stomach. Can you come get me?
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