I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
I get off at 11. but they've been letting me go early cuz I've been crying a lot
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Randomize
