Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
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