yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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