i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
