just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
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