I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
