who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
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