This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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