so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
