Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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