Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
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