i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
