If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
Also, beer. Big fan.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
3 2 1 whiskey
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
Randomize
