Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
