I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
