oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Just did a line with lance bass. Only in NY
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
