Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
