I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
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