Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
