That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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