why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
