Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Note to self: You can't deep fry cheese-its.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
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