Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
