I got chris browned last night
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
