He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
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