OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
You made out with two different species that night
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
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