garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
