im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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