i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
4 words: hood of his car
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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