just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
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just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
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If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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