you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I told him I was going to sit on his face after I got out of the shower, he threw up the arm boners and yelled "STEVE HOLT!!" I might actually stop sleeping with other dudes.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
