My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
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I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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