I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
