I think it's just because she's got "I'll sleep with anyone with a decent car" written all over her face.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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