Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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