letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I just had sex on a roof
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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