a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
home. puking in laundry basket.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
