evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
Randomize
