Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
