the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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