we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
It does not feel like it was just this morning that I had a penis in multiple cavities of my body
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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