Question. A woman tells her guy she's on birth control. Stops taking it to have a kid to force the guy to be responsible and with her. What rights does that guy have
None he's f-d
He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
I just typed "I've got a friend" and my phone autocompletes to "that's a dick appointment". What is my life.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
