Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
