Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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