one might say we're banned from that church
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
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