Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
He stuck a cigarette in my butt last night. There is no coming back from that.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
