my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
