the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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