That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
