i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Randomize
