Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
