you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
