at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
Randomize
