just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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