They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
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