Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
