I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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