We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
