Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
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