I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
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