the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Does it qualify as sexting if you're both pretending to be fictional characters?
I'm not sure whether to be proud of you or weirded out.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
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