giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Randomize
