That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....