Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
True. I'd rather snort cocaine off a homeless guy then work on the weekend...Actually that may not be that bad.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
