I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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