i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
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future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
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You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck