Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips