u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...