Somerville?? What the hell are you going to do there?
Watch a movie and have sloppy make outs OBVI. 45 Harris St. in case I die.
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
Randomize
