I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I just watched my mom get dick on Skype.
That d should have definitely been an s.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
