Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Randomize
