if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
Randomize
