Swine flu. Run for my life!
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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