Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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