she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
